I AM a mess.

I am flawed...who isn't though? My flaws however get to me a lot, like how I'm practically straight edge, or how I tend to draw drama into something good that happens to me AND how I get ridiculously jealous about stupid things. I just wish I didn't care so much about what people do or think and I wish I didn't complicate things (thanks to my paranoia), but I am what you might know as "human". I have issues, but I try not to let them interfere in my life and friendships. I can be normal occasionally or what my definition is of normal. But sometimes, other factors come in. There are times when I get completely unterely depressed for no reason I know of which leads to bitchyness, then I become cinacle about...well everything. Things I love, don't love. People I love. The universe and all inhabitants. I come to the conclusion that the entire being of the world is shitty and it will never get any better. I HATE it when I get this way. When I get in that state of mind, I hurt people and then I am too proud to apologize. The reasoning in my head knows I should, but 88% of the time, I never say sorry. Oh hey! Another problem, I'm pretty dam emotional. My feelings get hurt pretty easily and I cry. Oh....Let me tell you about tears, I've come to see them as my enemy in certain situations. I mean, I recognize that it's healthy to cry when necessary, but I truely hate it. Crying in front of people, even worse in my mind. Due to how my emotions have overcome me, I see crying sometimes as a sign of weakness though I know damn well it isn't. I honestly don't know why, but I'm pretty messed up. I JUST realized this. And now, TA DA! I have it as my first blog post. Sorry for the negativity but in the end, it will help me better myself. From this moment on after this is posted, I will try to think more on the positive side. I will try not to let my lack in self-confidence, mood swings, need to be in control, and depression do what it has done to me.

I am a beautiful, expressionistic, caring, intelligent, outgoing, authentic, humorous woman of light. I will recognize this more often in my life at my low times. This is who I am.

Who are you?